It's All Greek To Me

I can not figure out how it has come to be April already. Time is whizzing by and I can't seem to catch my breath. I swear it was February last week, and New Years the week before that. Unfortunately, this fast ride causes me to mourn time lost.. and even these short glances into the rear view mirror have me miss moments, hours and days of the present so that I'm in the future long before I thought it was even approaching.

And so, the season that I use to plan for year end sales is here. That's the other thing. I work in a profession where we're constantly working 6 months ahead of time. So I am now putting together information and organizing data that relates to information people need in June, to plan for November... November, Thanksgiving. So, you see I am already talking about Thanksgiving. WAIT WAIT!!!! I want to put on the brakes. Let me enjoy today. Let me take a deep breathe!

I think this is why I struggle to go to bed at night. Regadless of how exhausted I am trying to keep up with world as it operates at light speed, I stay up WAY past a time that is reasonable in order to maximize my "me" time. I get absorbed in some project or another and before I know it, it's 2am and I am LONG past a reasonable hour to fall asleep. So my theory on control extends to time. If I stay up long enough, maybe.. just MAYBE I can prevent the next day from starting? Wow. RIDIK!!!

So I sit here at 2am, thinking that I have not vented. I have not shared. I have not put "pen to paper" or "finger to keyboard." I've had plenty to say. I don't know that I often feel a loss for words. Though, I have at times had to be careful not to say things I would regret. And since I am impulsive, my most recent incidence of this resulted in hanging up on someone. Someone important. I hate regret. But I regret that. I doubt I missed hearing anything that would have been good. It's been bad for a long time. But I regret not being a bigger person and saying, "good luck. Be happy. Take good care of yourself." Course, I am not silly enough to think that me saying or NOT saying that has any influence of affect on another's life. It doesn't. In fact, I have come to realize I have little to no affect on other lives. Just my own. And that's enough pressure as it is.

So while I could go on to explain how much I love Cafe Nostimo (and coincidentally had lunch AND dinner there today), my title for this entry is more to do with the fact that I'm confounded by most things these days. Things are turned upside down, leftside right, I have a constant feeling of omnipotence about my life, watching it happen, and that time isn't my friend. But I try, each and every day, to find something I can enjoy. An email from a friend, a good movie, buying tickets for a new show (summer is shaping up finally!) or just having that quiet (elusive) moment when my mind is quiet.

But truly, what I know is that I know very little. I don't know what has happened and what is going to happen. It just has to be. And I have to try to stay running alongside life.. playing in the game as often as I can.. so as not to see everyone else make their goals and me, well, just trying to catch my breath.

So, if it's all Greek To Me, I should learn Greek. I at least eat it - and that's a good start. Especially if it's from Cafe Nostimo!